First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
