I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
