what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
