I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
