My nipple is on Facebook.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
