you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
