i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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