my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
