Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
