I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
