My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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