when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
