loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
