i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
