You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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