Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
