what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
