I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
