Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
