I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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