dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
