and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
