I think scott just propositioned me for sex
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
