this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
