i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
