So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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