the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
