just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
