Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
