Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
