that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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