i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
