just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
