I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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