I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
