Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
