dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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