I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
