The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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