hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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