Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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