Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
