apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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