When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
