If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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