But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
