i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
