bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
