I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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