We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
