U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to jail i love you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
