naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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