In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
