i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
