she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
